He uses pillows to masturbate.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
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