Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
