Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
