Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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