Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
