hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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