Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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