sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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