i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
