I skipped work to stalk him.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
