They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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