Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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