At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
