Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
