I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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