Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
