her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
