I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Randomize
