just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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