somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
