guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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