He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
