We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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