Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
