You made me cry and you don't even care
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
