I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
The beer is more important than you right now.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
