Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
