I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
