He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
