You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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