doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
