Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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