So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
