Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Are my feet made of real feet?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Vodka?
Forever.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
