Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
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