so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
