i already hear my dad disowning me
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
