today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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