That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
