once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
