I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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