also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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