I showed him my bush... on skype.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
