i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
