update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
