if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
These tits shall not be calmed
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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