If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You should frame my arrest warrant.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
