i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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