I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
