what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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