ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
