You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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