he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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