if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
